We also found that separating our son from the situation helped a lot. If we were at home, we'd pick him up, put him in his room. At family/friends houses, we would stage a collective walk out.

Initially this worsened the behaviour (he broke a window and a mirror). We went in every 5-10 minutes and asked if he's ready to come out yet. He now calms down almost immediately when he goes into his room and comes and tells us he's done crying.

The other tool we've taught him is deep breathing. So my husband or I sit in front of him in the melt down phase and show him how to inhale deeply and blow out like he's blowing out a candle. Struggled at first but now, if he loses his temper, he automatically starts breathing to calm himself down.

One of the reasons that the therapists told us to ignore the behaviour is that at that age (3-ish) Reuben was developing his sense of boundaries. So all kids push the boundaries and try to establish how far they can go,what the repercussions are and how to get the attention they want. My initial response to his tantrums was to offer comfort to calm him down... but I get why that was maybe not the smartest thing (he learned to manipulate the situation quite quickly).

I have a final thing to add about tantrums... our son was completely non-verbal at three. A lot of his frustration and aggressive behaviour was because of frustration at expressing himself. He now (at 4) does 3-5 word sentences which helps him express himself but also his receptive vocabulary has increased astronomically... so communication is easier which obviously changes some of the extreme behaviour.

I had a major issue with the hitting thing. Reuben used to hit me (never my husband) with anything he found lying around. So we did two things. the first was similar to our reaction with a tantrum, except the removal was preceded by a stern "no". The second was that my husband and I sat down and looked at what we are doing differently with Reuben that leads to different behaviour towards us. Our issue was that I was the main disciplinarian. What I mean by that is that when Reuben did something wrong, I would be the one who intervenes, reprimands or corrects him (maybe a little because my husband was less attentive to the situation but mainly because I felt it was necessary to react immediately to address the behaviour). So we adapted our response plan....(I relaxed a bit and my husband became a bit more strict)... consistency is key... and the aggression towards me went away. We also made a point of ALWAYS affirming the other parent/adult's instruction. That sounds so much easier than it actually was :). We had (and still have) issues with implementation and obviously nothing is going to change overnight... it all takes a little time.

Not sure if any of this is helpful.

Good luck!

Also, I wanna say that he is getting a reaction from you with his "bad" behavior. I do strongly feel it has become, to him, a way to communicate his frustration and it gets your attention... whether you charge the battery, give him what he wants or just show him the attention he needs (even through yelling or spanking), it has become his go to behavior.

As hard as it can be (believe me I HAVE been there), sometimes the best thing you can do is outright ignore the bad and reward the good. As long as he is not in any danger, walk away from him and ignore him when he hits or screams at you. At first this WILL make things worse as he tries harder to reach you. But tell him "If you hit, I will not listen/stay here" and walk away and ignore that he did it. Eventually, stop saying anything to him at all. But when you notice things that he does that leads to these tantrums, try to stop it before it starts.

If a loud noise causes him to cover his ears (vacuum, baby crying, TV) ask him calmly, "Does that bother you? Let's go somewhere quieter" and escort him someplace quiet. He doesn't need to answer, but what he will see is that 1. you care that he is bothered. 2. there is a SOLUTION. Eventually, he will learn to excuse himself from situations like that.

When he finds ways to cope with situations that would normally lead to a tantrum, hitting, meltdown, reward him with praise. For example, when he has his tablet, check on it to watch the battery, as it gets lower, repeatedly prompt him "The batter is getting low." and as it gets closer, "The battery is low, we should charge it". At first he may not like this, but take it from him, escort him to the charger and show him what you're doing. Then, use this time to direct him to another fun activity. When he starts to notice the charge is low and brings it to YOU, praise him for being a big boy. Even when he lets you take it to charge it, when he doesn't outright go nuts over it, praise him for a job well done.

Continue to do this with everything. Ignore the bad, reward the good. Show him how to cope with the bad feelings.

Aggression in young children who are nonverbal is very common. If the child cannot communicate it is very frustrating to them. There may be some sensory issues goin in as well which is also very common. Sensory is often overlooked but it can cause lots of problems if not treated.

The big problem you have and I believe you suspect it is that your child is not comprehending things as well as you would expect. If you add the communication issues to this then you have aggression. The other issue here is that your child is really young so gaining communications skills is tough.

For sensory you have to find triggers and try to avoid them if you can. When it comes to communication you already know about PECS but if you add sign language it will help. As your child gets older you can move to a tablet. Other than that keeping to a routine or schedule with activities will help as well because structure is good for most autistic children.

I do not or have never hit my children, but I am not against it. Negative reinforcement never works for autistic children, and if you add to that the fact that the child can't comprehend what you are doing you are actually getting the reverse affect. You hitting the child may be reinforcing that hitting is ok.

My daughter is 10 and was like that but she has gotten better as she has gotten older and gained communication skills and coping mechanisms. She is still nonverbal but she can communicate and the self injury only happens every so often. She also doesn't elope anymore but it took years of work with some meds thrown in to take the edge off.

Whether a child has autism and is non-verbal or deaf and non-verbal, or even too young to begin speaking.... they get very frustrated because they cannot communicate their thoughts, feelings, wants and emotions. The aggression is quite natural for anyone in that situation.

Imagine you're in a situation where no one understands you, they all speak another language and you really need to use the bathroom, you try your best to tell everyone around you that you need to go to the bathroom but do not know where it is and they all look at you but refuse to answer you. Your stomach hurts and you're about to wet yourself.... eventually your urgency takes over and you will become annoyed and angry. Not saying you'd resort to hitting anyone (or perhaps you might!) but regardless you are now angry and no one is listening....

That is what a non-verbal child is going through. They want to tell you things but they don't know how to say it in a way you understand. Eventually, it becomes too much frustration and it leads to anger and aggression.

Even infants and toddlers who have not learned to speak yet resort to this in a way, crying, screaming and so on.

But, finding ways to communicate with your child can lessen this behavior and showing him that you do care about his wants and thoughts. The thing is, most non-verbal children DO understand YOU, even if you cannot understand them. This is where patience, tools and a lot of work come in handy. While there is always the possibility it's a sensory problem, that doesn't mean finding out what bothers him isn't important. If a baby is crying and he gets agitated, remove him from the situation and calmly ask him if it upsets him. Let him know you understand his frustration with the crying and tell him you're there to help him when he's upset or in pain. Take him out for a walk, or to his room with dim lighting and soft music playing in the background. Get or make flashcards and teach him the meaning behind them so he can begin using them to express his feelings and wants.

When he hits, don't immediately jump to punishment. Let him know, "No hitting" (use as few words as possible, both because kids at younger ages don't have the attention span for listening to rants and because when he's upset he's even less likely to listen) "It hurts" and then "I know you're upset. It's ok. But no hitting". And find a way to remove him from the situation safely.

I am okay with spanking, it's a good tool when you're protecting them from danger (touching the stove etc)... but if you spank out of frustration and anger, I do believe it reinforces that its okay to hit when you're angry or frustrated. Because he's doing it and now you're saying, "Mommy does it too! So it's okay to!"

Of course it is nothing you are doing. He has no other way of communication so he does the smacking or throwing . I went through the same with my son. In fact he is better but still does hit me or throw things in frustration. The thing that helped him was ABA therapy. Like 5 days a week 7 hours a day. It was a summer program he improved. Everyday he gets a little better.