I am going through this situation now, with the death of my father-in-law. Did you write a social story, or find one? the funeral is out of town for us, so my son has to come along with us.

My boys lost their mom to cancer several years ago. They're still coping with the loss - Beth took the opportunity to do a burial for a departed pet fish before she died. It helped her youngest understand the idea of a burial.

I came into their lives after their mom died.

There will be opportunities to process before, during and after. When Beth's remains were interred, I don't know that the boys really understood. Adam, who has Aspergers, very much wanted to be a part of what everyone was doing (He was about 9 at the time). I think discussing the ritual and letting them participate gives meaning for all of us. It was fine - everyone was pretty overwhelmed and in some respects, I think they handled it like any other kid their age: quietly, with tears, and not really sure what they should be doing.

Hope this answer is helpful -

My heart goes out to you at this time. My father passed away at Christmas time last year. Austin is 11 and Dakota is 6 both are ASD. Neither one of them understood at the time. Once at the funeral Austin finally understood when one of "Papa's" favorite songs was played. Needless to say he broke down. Dakota still doesn't quite understand. Since my father was very (6 heart attacks, 3 massive strokes, 2 rounds of cancer) We just told them that now Papa can talk, walk, play baseball, fish etc. Yesterday Dakota said "Oh brother" Which was one of the only phrases my dad could say. We corrected her and said "Papa can now say Oh brother Dakota you forgot to brush your teeth." I think she understood a little bit. I will be praying for the road ahead.

Adopt the same attitude of going to a funeral as you would a wedding, birthday party, etc.

Well, James ended up at home. He'd been in the ER twice a few days before the funeral and the long car drive down and back to the funeral would not have helped his recovery. I have the program from the funeral and plan to go over it with him. If he'd been well I think it would have been ok.