"Offending Them"?
You are taking care of your child, if they can't understand that then they should not be commenting.

That is what is wrong with our society they see things one way and never see the full picture. When these children need extra help or may act out why make comments that are negative or hurtful why not do what we as human beings should do lift one another up and help raise the children in love and support the parents and not make them feel as if they are failures or doing a horrible job. Stop passing judgment when you are not walking in their shoes. Always remember things negative can always happen to anyone at anytime. I appreciate all of you guys for helping us with the encouragement and willingness to help. My son is not here yet due to the time they feel it takes to get him adjusted to another change but he will be soon and when he does things will be complete. I look forward to working with, uplifting and even crying with each of you if needed. Always reach out if needed I may not know the answer since I am new to this but I am a father and my Wife is a mother and we understand without judgment how raising a child can be... not to mention a child that is truly "special". Much love and support to each of you.
May God bless

Wright's Law has a bunch of articles about iep's, 504s, and children educational rights in a lot of situation as well.

Do children have the right to a free and appropriate education where you live? If you're child is not improving then it's not appropriate. If you don't want to offend be gentle but stay firm

Make a list. Stay as calm as possible. Depending on what you're asking for a letter from a pediatrician or child psychologist may be helpful. Sometimes finding an educational advocate is helpful. Ask for things to be put in writing.