Hi Hedi! You've totally got this ❤️ Yes it is easier said then done. Days are long. There is also so much to do and patience runs thin... I have 4 kiddos so trust me I get it! It gets easier with time... and like I said offering her that sense of anticipation and autonomy helps alot. Before you know it this season will pass and you will have grown as she has through it. 🥰

Dear Crystal,

Thank you very much for these tips. I am sure you have good experience. I am new to working with PDA, and yes, it often leads to tantrums due to her resistance. However, I have noticed that she processes things better over time, especially during transitions. The first time I provide instructions, she rejects them immediately. But the second time, when I am firm and do not back down, she is more receptive and eventually complies. This pattern applies to both instructions and transitions. You are correct; I need to be firm from now on. It is not easy, but I will try. :)

You can also try to anticipate the things you notice are what send her into resistance. What are her biggest triggers. Is she more resistant to transitions or to limits. Is she more resistant or does she have lower tolerance thresholds during a specific part of her day and then try to anticipate that these will occur and plan accordingly.

Keep consistency. Don't set a limit and eventually end up giving in or after a couple of days give in. She must see that the limits set are firm or else she will test those limits to see how much it will take before you break. Children are very smart.

If these behaviors happen in public gatherings or spaces remove yourself and her. This is so much easier said than done especially when we are starting our journey and depending on our child's severity because we tend to feel as parents the shame of taking up space and the judgement. I know this was me... if this is you rest assure this feeling fades with time. However the behavior will linger if you allow it time... sometimes for your sake and the sake of your child's development it is necessary to excuse yourself and remove you both from a place or situation. Sometimes even allowing whatever behavior is occurring to pan out BEFORE addressing it. Once she is calm and the behavior has subsided then address it when she is more available to learning. If PDA gets to a point of tantrums, place her in a secluded place away from anything that might harm her and set an imaginary box. Allow her the space to release within this imaginary box being firm on these imaginary lines of limits and then again wait till it subsides before addressing.

I can offer specific tips if you'd like to share what types of scenarios and or behaviors are giving you the most trouble or concern.

Please know that all my advice comes after YEARS of trial and error and tears and shame and trying... you got this!

Hi Hedi hope your okay today! So your munchkin is only 5 years old. Keep in mind that beyond having autism every child at this age is trying to be self sufficient and independent. They are in a stage where they feel like they can do it and know it all. So resistance is a very normal thing across the board.

Depending on the behavior just let it be. Honestly we get caught up in the demand mentality but not all things really require a no. If it's not harming her or others allow her the fluidity to embrace the feeling of being "in charge". This will also open up skills she will need later on.

If the resistance is to a limit set try visual schedules and visuals to allow her to be able to prepare for the upcoming transitions. Also try to refrain from demands. Remember that this avoidance is not necessarily a bad thing. It's a good sign of development. Its her way of feeling autonomous so instead of placing just the limit rephrase the limit. So example: instead of its time to get of the tablet or screen time is over (something that can cause anger frustration and resistance) try instead, (insert name here) its time for dinner or bath time or bed time and offer a proper incentive instead something she likes ex: you choose bubbles or no bubbles; you choose one story or 2... she's 5 so creating this incentive with her feeling she has the decision making power will ease the transition.
It's important that she develope that independence and self sufficiency however it's important to teach her how to execute those as well.