I respectfully disagree.

Why is this reasoning not considered necessary for many other professional and service situations? Does a dentist need to understand my stress to properly treat my son's cavity? No. It's just that the dentist understands that the parent knows the tooth care and history of the child so they automatically consult with that parent. He "GETS" it. I don't need to tell them how I feel as a parent in order for him to respect my rights and he doesn't need to understand my perspective. More examples, a doctor that treats cancer. The hairdresser. The checkout counter lady. The soccer coach. etc etc. Why is it that only people that are "treating" or "doing intervention" for my son's autism feel like they need to know my perspective as a parent. Everyone else gets that I am the parent and therefore am due the respect and say-so given to any parent.

I am passionate about this topic because I have seen what professionals in this field do when they talk about parents' lives. I went to this conference on disabilities. The facilitator asked the professionals what they thought the parents' lives were like. The way the professionals described parents lives was horrifying to me because frankly they spoke as if we are victims. We were described as exhausted and overwhelmed. While this is probably true, at least some of the time, it is very negative. No one described us as knowledgeable or brave or innovative or capable or resourceful or adaptive.

Now how can a person that thinks we are victims ever consider us a partner? If I told a professional what my true real-life stress was like, wouldn't that paint me more of a victim? And although it may cause the professional to feel sympathy, it would not necessarily cause them to respect me. Instead the opposite often happens because the professional does not want to "burden" the parent anymore. That's not respect either.

I will tell the professional information about my child. And those who will not collaborate with me, can not be an effective partner. Because ultimately my child's well being and outcome will be due to the decisions I make and the help I get for him. I have worked with many wonderful professionals over the years. Ones that focus on my son and realize that I can help them be more effective with my son and they can help me be more effective as a parent and advocate. They don't need to know about my stress in order to do that.

Now that you said that.... I think there have been many times I feel guilty about not doing that "one more thing"....even though I have crossed out 10 things on the list.. Yes, it an be so much

I agree... but my point is, if professionals understood the parent's perspective, views and situation more clearly, they may listen more and believe the phrase, "you are the expert"..... I agree the parent is not the patient... but without some type of understanding, it's my opinion that this understanding would allow for a better partnership/team concept and a "work together" relationship between.

Seeing us as true partners. If I had a nickle for every time a professional said I was an expert on my child.... but then ignored my ideas, I would be a rich woman. Take my knowledge and experience and use it to benefit my son. And share your knowledge and experience so I can do a better job.

I have never had the need to have my son's professionals understand my life. It's not about me. And its not about them. It's about the my son. In my opinion, if parents get their best supports and understanding from their friends (especially those that have an autistic kid) and family.

So in summary, I think your question misses the whole point. The professional is the child's doctor. Not the parent's. They should be working with the parent to understand the child because that is their patient. The parent is not their patient and I believe it's disrespectful for the professional to put them in that role. If they feel the parent needs help or if the parent is requesting help, then make a referral.

She wasn't saying his behavior was odd ,she said he appeared odd.I do get your point though.Behavior would have been ok odd behavior to describe actions.She did call me the conversation was her telling me he probably thinks she is odd what 15 boy wants to sit in the bleachers with a 40 yr old woman.I think she should recognize his strengths his weaknesses and goals.Maybe I am too sensitive.thank you .....good. Question