You are an awesome Mom! I am so glad that you are upfront with your son and explaining to him everything. It will truly help him navigate his life as he gets older. I wish all parents were like you. I know of a parent who has not told her child of their diagnosis (I met them through a ASD parent group) and their child is now in HS and does not understand why they have no friends or why they do the things they do etc. The child suffers from depression now also and still, they refuse to tell them. It really breaks my heart.

Your friend is completely wrong. It is her own fear of not understand is why she reacted the way she did. You are right not to associate with her if she cannot stand by you. A true friend would want to be there for you and support your dissensions even if they don't agree. I know that I have had to "walk away" from friendships for the same reason. It can be very sad and hard to do, but you have to think about your son. Maybe at some point your friend may come around.

You are your sons advocate and the more you teach him about himself, you give him more knowledge for him to advocate for himself when you are not around. Keep up the good work :)

@A MyAutismTeam Member thank you for your feedback. I imagine as my son approaches high school or even middle school, he could very well become much more self conscious and worried about what others think than he is now. And I have no doubt he will tell me what he is and isn't comfortable with at the time (which I will honor). But right now, he is very proud to wear tight bright compression wear out on the playground and he has no problem wearing his swim cap after swim lessons are over as we walk through the grocery store. He proudly stims by shaking his hands whenever he is excited. I have a feeling that if i pretend he does not have it, that I will make him become overly worried or embarrassed about it. I also think that people - other kids and moms - have a level of compassion that they otherwise wouldn't have when they know. And i think he appreciates that compassion when he has a behavioral hiccup and the only explanation he has for why is "i think it was my autism" because that's the only way it can be explained.

AMom02 - Thanks. i can't wait for the day when he can tell me what he did that day! anything! his autobiographical episodic memory seems to be very impaired, but age will tell. i think you are right that they all don't necessarily have ASD. I also wonder if more parents are worried about getting a diagnosis right now given the potential changes in healthcare and pre-existing conditions, preventing coverage or hiking rates.

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A MyAutis...

You do what you have to do to things done and forget about people who don't know much about ASD or ADHD. We talk about autism and all that goes with it in front of her all the time. My daughter is 7 and kind of verbal but in a special ed class so she really doesn't understand that she has autism. I still can't speak completely freely in front of her as she's pretty good at repeating things if I swear.

To be honest I can't always tell what my daughter is thinking because she can't answer "why" questions but I do address her more than the pros because sometimes she will answer a question for herself. I push her now because it's too easy to just hand her a tablet and let her get away with no interaction for most of the day. Ok, even typical kids zone out from their parents but they don't have her issues.

As far as feelings go she has her moods but she never expresses a need to have friends but like interact with her little brother. Hard to push social interaction so far.

People have all kinds of advice but they aren't in the trenches with us everyday. It's easy to give advice but it's slow going and your kid can only advance at their own speed.

I believe your friend is the one who talked to you and your son as if your child wasn't present. Your son is verbal, she could have asked him directly questions in a gentle and kind way that would show her caring and understanding. What a missed opportunity! I see this too often when people don't even acknowledge/talk to a child because (s)he is non-vocal. From time to time, I would try to include your son in the conversation as well by offering him opportunities to intervene in the conversation, of course, if he only agrees before hand and knows what to expect, without putting him on the spot.

I tried not to go into too many details with friends when my son was present. I had those private, adult conversations when he wasn't around. I also did this with other adult topics, save them for another time. If your son is verbal I would use these opportunities to discuss things with your friend where he can be included in the conversation even in a small way. Try to talk about things that 7 year olds might be interested in. Even if he doesn't contribute, he's listening. You want to help him to start to feel comfortable talking to people. I was always surprised at what my son came up with during these times. Many times they were very interesting observations. My friends enjoyed getting to know him and came to appreciate his unique perspective. I think your friend has a point in that I believe that my most important role as a parent is in helping my son to feel good about himself, to help with his confidence and self esteem. Try to look for opportunities to help him with that.