You might also try asking his pre-K teachers what discipline methods they use. Costa's teachers told me about the count-to-three and time-out thing, so now there's consistency between home and school.

My son is 2 and half , before we had the diagnosis we thought he was just stubborn and so we would yell at him but when we had the diagnosis and looked into it we did things differently whenever he does something that he isn't allow to after 3 times telling him no we put him in the corner for 2 minutes no matter where we are ( mall, restaurant,..) we realized that he doesn't recognize emotion like if we are angry or hurt he doesn't understand it. So no you are not too soft, it just takes time and patience.

Behaviors have 4 functions. Sensory, escape, attention or access to tangible. The approach that we use now goes further and looks at things like anxiety and where we need more comprehension etc. The 4 functions can still help you get an idea.

I read that it is better to tell a child that he/she is being bad but not ideal to call them bad. I would not judge. Each situation/kid is different. Our son is not completely ready to hear the why. That is abstract. We did a program that praised and rewarded positive behavior while giving less attention to negative while of course getting him down for safety. We now redirect but show empathy without too much language if he does not accept. We help him calm down with us. co regulation. We also give choices. He is 7 and getting certain things more. We can talk to him but still have some challenges due to language and what seems like OCD. One thing that helps is to not let the behavior function. When our son flopped on the floor to get out of an activity, we physically prompted him to finish. His school is using less physical prompting unless he is not safe, in order to help him make the connection.

I don't spank my kids either. I count to 3 and then I put him in time-out. If I'm really upset or he's doing something really dangerous (like playing next to the apartment windows on top of the couch), I say loudly and firmly, "BAD BOY! BAD BOY! COSTA IS A BAD BOY!" I have to make sure I look and sound stern or he thinks it's a joke. He cried for five minutes afterwards, but he hasn't been playing next to those windows ever since.