Don't stop the flapping. It's a necessary coping mechanism to help them be grounded. He's probably picking up on the extra stress over the job loss, the change in routine or schedule. Because our children don't speak sometimes we forget that they're still listening (and often comprehending).

The behavior modification techniques (which themselves seem to have changed from "how we were raised" - not that we necessarily liked the way we were raised, right?) that may work for a neurotypical child will not necessarily work for your grandson. (Just like the way you train a horse is different from a puppy.)

You have the opportunity to truly help your son and grandson and this starts with recognizing that you have a mission, should you choose to accept it. You would like to see a decrease in flapping (you: it's annoying to you, you feel guilty about being annoyed by it; him: it's a sign of anxiety). Keep a record of when it occurs and what precipitated it. See if you can start to predict the triggers and then work to eliminate them.

And when he is flapping, if the goal is to reduce the occurrences, fight every urge in your body to respond negatively (you can do it!) -- this is when your grandson needs to you be awesome - be encouraging, be calm, be loving. Be close, but don't intrude if they need space.

Good luck!

(Full disclosure: I regularly respond to my children in ways that I then regret. It's not easy!)

my son used to do this. Some people have different approaches, but it is sensory related. We used a trampoline so when sensory time was needed, there was an alternative to flapping. we also introduced fidget toys etc. We also used a "calm hands" prompt which helped. Some parents used a home program which allows the child to flap at home where the parents and child feel safe, but out in public they are taught to use other methods to stim besides flapping. But for children with ADS, flapping is very common when they are young.

Punishment should never be used to stop stemming, mainly because stemming is not a "bad behavior" or "acting out". There is a huge difference between behaviors requiring discipline and behaviors that are a natural part of autism and related diagnoses.The kids cannot control stemming nor should they really be required to if it is not harmful to themselves..imagine if someone yelled at/punished you for things totally beyond your control or for just being you? Not good. I think it is wonderful you are helping out, so possibly researching his issues a bit more and knowing what to expect can make dealing with some of the more "unusual" behaviors easier for you.

@A MyAutismTeam Member I'm sorry I'm just seeing your answer, and it comes at a wonderful time. I was at my granddaughter's school to pick her up from a computer tech class, and a nurse was talking to a woman. She seemed very kind, so I told her I didn't want to take much of her time, so I gave her an abbreviated story of my grandson and asked how to get started. While she wasn't involved in it, she gave me the name of the school and names of people who are wonderful with these children, and even how the parents could get insurance through the state. (Now if I can just convince them to do it! I will be making contact with a lady, today, hopefully. There's a 3 year old class, and it's my desire to work as a volunteer and learn all I can, even though I'm not babysitting him full time anymore. (one day per week). If I learn anything, I will sure pass it on here. I think I compare him to my sons who let me read to them voraciously and they both could read a little before kindergarten, write their names and were very verbal. If I'd had my grandson since birth, I believe he would have done better, and if *I* had the "right" to get him into a program, it would have started at 18 months of age. I try to stay with little cardboard books with simple pictures. We look at cars going by and that's how he learned his colors. He can point to the colors and was saying the names of them until his mother lost her job, and to my knowledge, she doesn't work with him in any way except give him a tablet. It takes a lot of self sacrifice and giving, giving, giving, but it will be worth it! :)

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@A MyAutismTeam Member - he definitely should be in school or some kind of early intervention, usually those are underwritten by the state or United Way or another organization, but I can't imagine why one wouldn't want to get assistance/help/training for a child with special needs. I am no doctor, but it does sound like it's somewhat mild (no meltdowns! awesome! language, also awesome!). Our son is 8, speaks little, gets frustrated when tired, is really smart and doesn't do tasks if he doesn't feel like it. The books hold no interest for him yet, but be patient. Even it he doesn't want to look at it, perhaps he'll tolerate having a story read to him while he plays with something else (that language is still valuable). Our son also has little interest in books and would rather tear them up than look at them.

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