First, as much education, information and communication as is tolerated. About ASD, in general, how it affects their brother specifically, and, especially, any time you are using ASD rules for brother, rather than NT rules, explain what you are doing differently and most importantly, why. Sometimes it will help if they know you are fully aware that you are treating them differently but that you do have a reason. Keep this up and be sure to stay consistent. You may even want to have some family meetings to duscuss and write out rules for different situations - one NT set and one ASD set - to post on the refrigerator so the expectations are entirely clear.

Secondly, reserve some time on a regular basis to spend one-on-one with your NT kids. It doesn't have to be lot or a big deal, but they need to know (concretely by your actions) that even though brother takes some much of your time and energy, the love you feel is the same for all of your kids. Telling them isn't enough on its own. Put it on the calendar and don't disappoint for anything less than it would take to cancel a therapy appt for brother. While you are spending time with your NT kid(s), make absolutely sure you are present and focused on them. Don't spend all your time worrying about your ASD kid. He'll survive an hour or two without lasting harm.

Finally, if you can, locate other families with both NT and ASD kids and socialize with them. Having true peers in the ASD world will benefit both affected and unaffected siblings. They'll see it isn't JUST their brother, their family that has multiple standards and they'll have social contacts with kids who can truly empathize with what their lives ate lime.

They are kids and thats a difficult thing to make them understand. Myy daughter attended classes for siblings and i tried to console her but it tookl her a long time to believe that he actually like her. Most adults don't understand, so getting kids to understand is difficult but not impossible. Let them have their space (time alone with you or away from home without him) and also show them that he annoys you to and how you deal with it. Its funny but because we hide how we trully feel-we end up sending the wrong message to our kids on how to deal. It doesn't teach them properly how to deal with difficult people. They need to know that they dont always have to deal with him and that at times they have no choice - then show them how to deal with him appropriately. Not taking it personal, not reacting with anger, knowing when to walk away, when it is something mom must deal with etc. Good Luck. hope I helped a bit.

Do they have any sibbling classes? That's a great program they offer here given by psychologists that I will take my daughter to when she is old enough.

@A MyAutismTeam Member I agree wholeheartedly with @A MyAutismTeam Member. The rules thing, posted, and discussed, is absolutely critical. It's also important that your NT child gets time away from your ASD kid. I recall when my NT kid said, "I'd like to do (something) but I don't want to upset (ASD) sister." NT girl was 4 years old. That's not fair. I realized something had to change, or they would hate each other.

Fortunately, I also have two sisters. One aunt bonded with one (the ASD girl), and the other bonded with the NT girl. They both love both girls, but there's just...something about the girls that tugs at my sisters in different ways. Extended family, even if they live a distance away, can really help here. An inexpensive webcam (we're talking maybe $25) can help both kids communicate with a relative, privately, whine about the unfairness of it all, and the aunts and uncles and grandparents can share stories about how rotten YOU were when you were their little (or big) sister. Everybody needs someone on the outside as support.

And you do, too. Is there a support group around there somewhere that you can get to, occasionally? It does help to see people face to face...and you can use the camera, too! Keep us informed of how it goes. Amy

Mentioned Users

A MyAutis...

A MyAutis...

Make sure they have stuff that is just their own and allow them the feelings they have..it is normal!