I'm sorry to hear that you're facing challenges with your husband. I've experienced something similar, except the roles were reversed in my situation. My job is quite flexible, allowing me to work from home most days. However, this comes with additional responsibilities, as I also need to care for my neurodivergent son and his younger neurotypical brother. I genuinely enjoy taking care of the boys; I find it gratifying.

Despite that, I struggled to balance my professional obligations with personal responsibilities while also being the primary person handling everything related to the house and finances. It took courage to sit down with my wife and align our expectations and responsibilities for the family and our boys. I expressed feeling overwhelmed, and she explained that she never knew I was struggling because I hadn’t communicated my feelings. That realization made me recognize that I needed to improve my communication and be more open about asking for help when I needed it.

My wife is truly remarkable. She works full-time and has a very demanding job, and she does her part to the best of her ability, just like everyone else in the family.

I strive to be more forgiving and kind to myself and my family, especially my son, who faces many daily challenges.

The idea of being "perfect" needs to be discarded. I am revisiting "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown, which has been incredibly helpful throughout my life.

I’m glad to hear the medication has been helpful to him. As I’m sure you know, autism doesn’t go away. It changes as the child matures. A behavior can go away but something new then takes its place. I have 2 girls with asd, adhd & related issues to autism. They’re 20 & 9 yrs old. There was a question by someone recently on here who asked “does having autistic children put a wedge in your marriage.” I think most people said yes. The consensus was also that the dads/husbands, including my own, had a harder time accepting the diagnosis.
My husband definitely had an easier time accepting my second child diagnosis than our first born. Probably because we actually went to marriage counseling when my oldest was 7 because of his denial & the burden that it left on my shoulders alone.
I think you both need to leave the house, even if just in the car, & offer to him a non-judgmental heart to heart talk about what he’s thinking & feeling, for all these years really. Don’t dispute back what he’s saying, just listen but ask him if your son’s diagnosis has hurt him.
We all have dreams of what parenting will be like & it is kind of a mourning when it’s not what you envisioned it would be & that hurts a lot.
As you know, his actions & comments towards your son’s weight or other negatives are not only not helping but hurting the situation.
In addition to hurting you & the marriage. Maybe he doesn’t completely understand the magnitude of this. Good luck 🌷

LisaMarie6- Medication could actually be the cause of your son's weight because w/ my daughter her medication makes her gain weight and she has to watch her portions. You are a very caring mom who knows what your son needs. I wish your husband was like that too. He sounds like he needs to be educated about his own son. Does he spend a lot of time w/ him ? If not, then he really needs to so he can learn about his son.

I'm so sorry you have this situation. It definitely makes daily living a struggle. I'm in my own marital struggle. You're doing the best you can alone with your kids since your husband does nothing but tear others down instead of doing anything constructive. I hope you can find a ray of sunshine somewhere.

I understand that he’s had this diagnosis since childhood.
That’s why I asked you the questions that I did earlier.
A person can be in denial, hurt & even resentment for years.
What I suggested for you to do is an attempt to possibly get him to open up about feelings you might not know about. Obviously with the hope that things can get better.