Not as well I might have hoped, try to see the positives, try to take my child for who he is, try to hold it together. The best I can do seems to be acknowledging that this is the best I can do.

I feel the exact same way, share the same fears and feelings. Please know that you are not alone and every emotion you feel, any given day is normal and okay.
You are an amazing parent and your child is so lucky to have you.
I also am starting therapy, I feel like I am going crazy with all the plethora of emotions I yo-yo through.
My heart and prayers are with you. Please know you have all my support.♥️

It’s a rollercoaster of emotions for sure. To be honest there is nothing for any of us to be ashamed of. Our children are beautiful people who interact with the world differently. If strangers or even family shun you or try to make you feel bad, just remember that it’s their issue, not yours or your child’s.
I am very honest with myself, my family and other people in my life about my daughter and the ups and downs. I have learned that being real is the best way. We are all human and will have good and bad days. I find that looking at my daughter and her behaviours etc from an open perspective has helped tremendously. Her meltdowns used to really bother me and cause me angst. I still don’t like that she has them since she hurts herself. However, I took myself out of the equation in terms of being overly affected. Instead I look at it from her perspective and how I would feel if I was her. It makes it easier for me to remain calm and in the best position to help her or in some cases allow her the time to work through it on her own.
Remember, we are first and foremost parents. We are not therapists. It took a long time for me to get to this place but we can only do our best.
I do worry about the future when I no longer am physically able to take care of her or pass on. I do have older children so that does ease some of the worry. Planning is essential I believe to assist with this and you have to start early. I know I’ve said a lot and it’s just my point of view that has worked for me. Hopefully, it helps someone😊

It can get overwhelming at times because in the back of my mind is always "Was that the best possible way to handle that situation?", " Have you done enough to help your son?" "What if that decision was not the right one?"....
I pray for wisdom. I pray to be able to calm the anxiety and stress in my mind.
I focus on one day at a time and celebrate the small things, every step forward, no matter how small it may seem. We don't know how tomorrow will be so I do my best to not stress too much about it (easier said than done). I'm a work in progress.

Try to stay occupied and focus on a day at a time, an issue at a time.