Personally, I feel like a separation from family would be traumatic and Virginia is very far from California and would make visiting hard I would think. My son is 13 and not potty trained yet. I don't know this teacher but I am highly suspect of people's motivation and personally would wonder if say that would make her life easier. Unless someone could provide me data saying 95% of kids are coming out of the school potty trained with 0 regression after 3 or 4 years, Otherwise, I would keep in it in mind but only as a last ditch option. This is my personal opinion. It's a tough decision and you should do what you feel is right for your family. Also if you did decide to go this route, I would tell them they need to try harder to find somewhere at least in your state. I struggled with a similar suggestion from our family doctor when my son was 8 and tried meds instead. I feel like the psychiatrist helped enough it wasn't appropriate for him to go in the end. I did not get any help or direction finding a good pysychiatrist but after reading a lot of reviews and summaries from my insurance was blessed to find one.

I would definitely start therapies as soon as possible. Have you been working with your local board of developmental disabilities? It may be called something different in Cali. They are a great resource for local services. They are usually by county. https://scdd.ca.gov/

SCDD | State Council on Developmental Disabilities

https://scdd.ca.gov/

I don't agree with that teachers suggestion . That's so far away and you don't know what type of people will be handling your child. When my son was 14 and going through puberty he was very aggressive. I had family members tell me to remove him to a facility and they didn't offer any support at all . So I eventually had to have him put on meds. He's doing amazing !! The same family members that tried to convince me to send him away I keep him away from them because they never thought my son would be doing as well as he's doing today. All the best to you.

We started ABA with my daughter when she was three. She was still in diapers at the time. We had one weekend that was a "potty party," a sort of intensive, in which the ABA therapist spent a lot of time with us on both days to help guide and re-enforce the program. Basically, my daughter was not allowed to wear a diaper, so that she would be more conscious of the consequences of going potty wherever she was. We also had her on a frequent, regular schedule of going to the bathroom and trying to potty. The therapist or mom would go in there with her and very gently but consistently encourage her to try for the designated 2 or 3 minutes or whatever it was, and not let her leave until she did. She would cry a few times, and it honestly felt a bit unkind to me in the moment, as she was begging to please be allowed to get off of the potty. Any time she got anything out while on the potty, we lavished praise on her and she would little treats or incentives. We had a golden trophy that she would earn, which was filled with fake gold coins, if she could manage to go potty a certain number of times in a row without an accident. By the middle of the second day, she had her trophy. Almost zero regression or accidents after that, and it has been 6 years now.

I don't fully agree with ABA practices for everything, but the basics of behavioral modification through consistency and positive reinforcement are quite sound. We stopped doing ABA when she was about 5 for various reasons, including that it began to feel to restrictive. However, I will say that the potty party strategy worked like magic, and I highly recommend that folks consider something like this.

Thanks for taking your time with such a caring and detailed answer. I agree with you 100% this site has been a blessing to me.