Hi this is tricky what happens if your second child has autism and as parents we cannot expect our neurotypical kids to take responsibility as they have their own lives.
Good luck

I was 45 when my daughter was born and my wife was 34. She kind of in the middle to lower end of the spectrum. There's some statistics out there that the age of the father is a factor in the chances of having a kid with autism. I've read that men should have kids before they are over 40. I didn't know anything about it growing up the way women are advised to have kids before they are over 35. Of course it's more likely a baby doesn't have any issues but there's greater chance as we age. My son was born after my daughter but before she was diagnosed with autism. He doesn't have autism.

I personally wouldn't have another kid for the purpose for being a guardian or sorts. I try to tell my son that his sister may need some help but I think he would be an advisor and live close enough that he could visit her periodically. Adoption would eliminate the possibility of autism but that kid may not feel as close to your son and therefore not obligated.

The stats on adults with autism are based on those born since the big surge of autism for kids born in 1990 and up so the oldest ones are hitting 30. They have the highest unemployment of any disability and like a 5% marriage rate. Most end up living with their parents. My daughter might go the marriage route as there as so many boys to compared to girls with autism. We wouldn't force her to marry anyone and would screen out guys that would more trouble than they are worth. I recommend the Netflix show "Love on the Spectrum" https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_on_the_Spectrum. It's entertaining as real people with autism look for a mate- 5 episodes. There's a another season coming in the fall.

I get it.. we had a second child because we didn't want our first to be alone. But we always wanted more than one kid. We have many issues in our family and never thought they would be in both kids. And our second kid has issues of her own. And they act like normal siblings so I don't see either of them helping each other because they are very honed in on their own lives. Visiting and such yes... they love each other but they will not be caretakers for each other.

They are now 20 yo and 16 yo. And at this point, I would never ask my younger to take care of her older brother. I've seen in my own family what happens when parents pass away and the kids separate. I've seen where my friend who has special needs her sister won't visit her at all in the assisted living that she entered at 52 yo with her mom. Her mom passed away her sister took the money that was supposed to help her sister and left the country to visit her own family it's been over 6 months. They no longer talk. All the extended family that was supposed to help her passed away before her parents did (Uncle). So I go over every 2 weeks to visit and take her out and her mom's church friends come over to visit. She has two friends from her church that will take her out.

I tend to look way into the future. If you have another child, do it because you want that child to grow and be successful in whatever they want to do. And teach them to be humble and hope they want to help out. But never ask them to do so it would be a choice for them out of love and watching what you do. But they will have their own family and their own lives to manage. Plus if they don't have issues they will be the ones taking care of you guys as you switch to your elderly lives.

For now, I would start a group in your town asking for better housing and help for special needs children so when your child gets to that age things work out better. Also, this would help people to get to know your family and in turn, maybe there will be some help there. Even a little group at a library just to talk about what is needed.

And remember if needed there are Senior Housing that will allow your child to live with you and they can stay after you pass. But you have to ask and make sure this is ok. My friend was put in a different apartment that wasn't as nice and her rate is increasing.

Good luck to you.

I do not feel that it would be fair for you to place the responsibility of care for your first child on any additional children you may have. It is not your place to make that choice for them. Were it me, I would feel very offended that my parents chose to have me not for the joy of finding out who I am going to become, but rather for the purpose of turning me into a caregiver. I really hope that somewhere along the way you are able to find someone who is willing to voluntarily care for your child in the event that you are no longer able to do so. I wish the same for myself and my child, but this is a burden that I chose and one I would not force upon anyone.

Proper coaching on basic life skills kids mildly on the spectrum usually go on to live perfectly independent happy lives. My daughter's very mild on the spectrum I've already started to look into different programs in the area that help special needs adults with their day to day, and some good colleges with special needs programs. I don't think she'll need much in the future she's a pretty bright kid and already doesn't want to live with us after she graduates lol 😆.

My son is considered moderate-low functioning, and nonverbal. He'll need more assistance, but there are a lot of assisted living facilities, and programs out there that will help him too for when he gets to that age. I also think he'll make a lot of progress along the way too.

I would do a lot of research there are so many perfectly happy independent adults on the spectrum out there, and on this site. Your child is very young they make so many strides every year....Having another kid to care for him to me would be very presumptuous...because what happens if said kid doesn't want to lol....so again I would say research is your best friend here...fun fact: Tim Burton is on the spectrum and I would say he's doing ok 😁