What are you planning to do as far as the summer? Maybe you can find a program that will support you in focusing specifically on the areas you mentioned (hygiene and feeding) to help her master those things. Maybe with consistent practice and reinforcements she can be strengthened in those areas and be better prepared for middle school. I totally understand you wanting to keep her safe from the perils of middle school but you didn't mention anything about her academic abilities. I am under the impression that the teachers felt she is ready to move on academically while you would like to have her social-emotional, self regulation skills strengthened before she moves on. I think the summer program might be the better way to go because the teachers are probably not giving her the attention and support that she would need to strengthen those areas and since they feel they've done what they need to do academically, keeping her with that school for another year might be a step backward.

I'm facing middle school next year too. I have concerns as well as we enter into a phase that's pretty notorious for its ruthlessness. My best wishes for your daughter and I look forward to hearing how it goes. Also,I really think you have to trust your gut.

I have no answer for you, only experience from family members (2, specifically).

My aunt, who is close enough in age to be my older sister (we're 6 years apart) is mentally handicap. She's functional enough to hold a job in retail or fast food, she graduated high school and was accepted into a career technical high school through a program that would only allow 4 special needs students in per year.

She reads at a 5th grade level, even to this day, and only has the mathematical skills of a second grader. Emotionally, she is quite young. She has street smarts, but you can tell when you talk to her, the way she holds herself conversationally, she is a lot younger mentally than she is physically.

My grandmother refused to allow her to be held back in school. I think it made a huge difference in her life, personally. She felt accomplished for having MADE it. Her oldest son is right there with her in his mental capacity. He, again, did not get held back and was able to graduate high school. He found something he LOVED while going through school and even though his math, reading and writing skills are quite poor compared to the typical 18 year old (he graduated this year, woohoo!!!) that doesn't impact him when it comes to his new found passion (baking) and he is going to attend a culinary school.

In the end, however, you have to do what you feel is right for your child.

Unfortunately, bullies are going to be there no matter how long you keep her back. Kids are cruel. However, if she is not in mainstream, she won't see it as much as if she were. Fortunately for her, but still sad as it is, main stream students are more likely to be the target of bullying by mainstream students.

As far as her hygiene problems goes, this is something that can really be a hit or miss with any kid! My neurotypical, totally average older son refused to shower for YEARS. It wasn't until girls started to take notice of him that he began to shower!!! And only last year did I finally convince him to use deodorant. One time he went so far as to soak his towel and put his head under the shower to fake that he showered... Sorry, a shower does not leave only half of your head wet, kid! Try again. But, it seems like she really needs extra help with her hygiene issues. Perhaps a therapist or social worker outside of school can assist with these skills? Same with feeding skills.

I wil start looking for autism schools as removing her from the independent school district. There is ABA therapy that can help her. The best advise is to have her in ABA therapy all day to learn how to independent and they will also teach at her grade level, once she masters the program she can go back to regular school. Look into ABA therapy and Autism School/Academy. I hope this helps.

I didn't mention academically because she is so far behind that it sounds like a joke that her teacher says she is ready. She reads and writes on a first grade level.