Often controlling behaviors are caused by anxiety. For my son, we frequently do frustration tolerance exercises to help him acclimate to the activity that is he is opposed to.

Before you start frustration tolerance, you need to evaluate a couple of things. First, which activity seems to cause your daughter the least amount of stress. You should pick that one because it will be the easiest one to change so you will get some much needed success while learning this technique. Plus it will be easier on your daughter. Second, identify some reinforcers (items that your daughter really really loves). Let's say its popcorn and juice. Then limit popcorn and juice at all other times and use them exclusively for your frustration tolerance program.

Now that you've identified your reinforcers and your target activity, we can get started. First you only work on this when your daughter is already calm and non-anxious. You are building tolerance so you start short and small and gradually lengthen. So I am going to use the turning on water as our target behavior that we want to stop. It would look something like this. Before going into the bathroom you say "we're going to practice KEEPING THE WATER OFF". (or similar words). Then for just a couple seconds as your daughter does not turn of the water and before she starts having behaviors, give her the popcorn and praise her for keeping the water off. Initially you may even need to block her.

Randomly do this throughout the day. gradually decrease your blocking. gradually increase the amount of time that she needs to not turn on the water. After she is no longer turning on the water, continue to reinforce her but gradually that too. And when you see her not turning on the water without you telling her, reinforce her BIG.

Also, in the meantime, you will have to tell her during all the times that it is OK to turn on the water. Hope this helps.

My son has similar 'ocd' types of behavior but he doesn't have OCD. The basis of his therapy is mindfulness abs it seems to be working. I agree with the person above weep talked about positive reinforcement and the frustration tolerance exercises. Mindfulness is similar in that you learn tolerance but the focus is on noticing the feelings at the moment she wants to turn of the water, before the action occurs, and then breathing or doing some other exercise to help be in the moment to prevent the action. It takes work but we've seen huge success with this with all of our symptoms. Daily mindfulness practice is required and again, it takes consistency and hard work but is with it. I'm going to try using the tolerance building technique as well, as it feels like it could help. Good luck!

Anxiety may be the root of why she needs control. My daughter sees a therapist to help her separate herself from her worries. It's a new work in progress so I can't share too much of our strategies but maybe the thought could be helpful.

ignore them

Thankyou chickadee