Man, this is the big question, isn't it? For the last few years we've let our son go his own way at the grocery store, Walmart, I'm guessing that most of us are intimately familiar with BestBuy or your local equivalent electronic store?

I've hated every minute of his being out of my sight! But you know what? He does great. I/we tell him where we'll be, we ask where he will be going (slightly verbal only) and let him go...

Every time while he's gone I get the same feeling as if I was walking on a ledge high above the street...But it's always turned out fine...Though, to be honest? His mother and I have freaked out and had many of those stores locked down until we could find him. (It's "code Adam" in BestBuy.)But it's always been unnecessary. He's always been fine. He has a cell phone now, so we call him. "HELLOOO!" "Dylan, where are you?" "I'm right here!!""Ok, good...where is that? What do you see?" "I see the toys!! Ok BYE!!!" :-)

But there is a whole child in there that needs trust and freedom just like any other child..we shouldn't deny the that just because we're big babies.. :-)

Obviously, the answer depends a lot on the kid and the context.

My wife and I have had an ongoing push-and-pull about my son's independence for years - - I'm for more, she's for less. Result: we seem to maintain a pretty good balance between overprotection and independence. As my son nears high school graduation - - he just started his junior year, independence has been my primary parenting "goal" over the past two or three years. His own thirst for independence has grown a lot since he became a teen. And, believe me, I could tell you plenty of (sometimes hilarious) stories about his adventures on his own in the neighborhood, our town, etc.

I'd also say that my son's independence has grown as he has begun to work towards establishing his own autonomy (e.g. feeding himself, taking care of his phone, caring for his dog, keeping his room tidy, etc.). I.e. maybe the more you build your child's sense of autonomy, the more capable he is of being independent outside the house etc.

And, finally, more and more these days, I'm surprised at just how much of his own person my son has become - - for instance, a teacher recently forwarded me an email conversation between himself and my son (about retaking a test) and my son's "voice" in the email was so confident and gracious that I felt a surge of pride and real optimism.

One of the biggest challenges facing any parent is when is it time to stop being there every minute of the day. It doesn't matter whether the child is nuero-typical (my 14 year old) or autistic (my 18 year old). The key is determine the appropriate time and place to allow the additional freedom. There is no hard and fast rule about when and where freedom is appropriate, but you do need to be willing to give it. The goal when raising any child is to have them have the knowledge to go forth independently.

Especially with an ASD child, it is very easy to build a protective nest around the child and never let go. When the time is right (school for example), allow the child to spread his wings and fly on his own. The results may surprise you.

I don't let my daughter out without a walkie talkie. That way she gets some independence (she's 12) but I feel better. I check in with her frequently with it and though I think some of her friends may think it's really weird it's my compromise. We teach stranger danger every chance we get. I still think she'd be the easiest target around. In the moment of danger she wouldn't be able to pull those lessons out of her toolbox. So no, I don't think you're too protective but it may be time to take little baby steps and test your and his comfort zones with separation.

I guess what all of us with older kids are trying to say is: "Be around to help your child if he/she needs it, but pick situations where your child can exercise his/her independence". It may be a small step at a time, but the more small steps a child can take, the greater the end result will be. Remember, the goal is for the child to be part of society, to be able to interact appropriately with society and to be a member of society. A small step is toward independence is a great way to start.