Even though I have a completely different view on video games and 'screen time' (we actually use these 'obsessions' as part of our homeschooling), I do understand the need to get them off the game/tv show and get them out the door, or onto other things.

I agree that countdowns are essential. Having a related consequence (no gaming later or the next day if he does not comply) is also essential. It may take a while, but as long as you stick to it he will learn that he is better off doing what is asked so he doesn't lose more game/tv time later.

My son will play 14 hours a day (all his waking hours) if allowed. Yes. We have actually tested this. He skips meals and even 'forgets' to use the washroom. It can be pretty extreme.

Countdowns have absolutely been the only thing that works. Just remember, the goal is to get him off. *He doesn't have to be happy about it*

With all that said. I have to propose the idea that they do learn with video games. A lot of my son's education is Minecraft-based. It isn't that I want him living in a fantasy world, quite the opposite. Minecraft has helped him connect with the real world. One of the most obvious ways is connecting with other kids in our neighborhood who like to play the game and come to him for 'how-to' advice.
Many of our kids who are drawn to video games, etc are also drawn to computer programming later on. Which is a perfectly acceptable vocation! ;)

So don't worry more than you need to!! :)

I would start by making sure that video game time is a "reward", and not the normal downtime. The way to earn video game time is by reading a book, cleaning up your room, etc...

I think kids are attracted to video games because it is interactive, but not in the uncertain way that people are. There are distinct rules, not like real life at all.

Thanks for the advice! I agree the social aspect is important to our son. Since he is not into sports at all, he often feels that being able to discuss the games with other boys his age is his best way to connect, which is why we want to let him have access. We too tried once to just let him play...same thing, he wouldn't even eat!

We do set a timer, give warnings, "one more minute" etc, but then half the time it gets to the point that we say "all done" and physically take the computer away from him, and then the meltdown comes. Or he'll get up and leave for a bit, but come back 30 minutes later all geared up for more, then we say no and then the meltdown comes. He was so bad on last Sunday that he emptied my dresser looking for his ipod, then proceeded to start dumping folded baskets of laundry over the staircase. My husband had to physically put him in the car so I could drive him to a nearby lake to get him to calm down (water always chills him out). :-( The interesting thing is that he does not do this with my husband when I'm not home, and my husband is the one who ALWAYS tells him no. That should tell me something, I guess!

This is what puzzles me about how his brain works. What is he getting from the games? Is is a sensory need he is trying to fill? Or is it that he is replacing his obsession with books with video games? Why this intense desire?

Video games these days are totally based on behavioral science principles. They you grind away at a task then give you a reward that becomes progressively harder to attain. When you think of it in those terms it's not hard to understand why kids (and a lot of adults) just can't tear themselves away.
The funny thing is, we could all probably learn a lot about constructing the behavioral reward/consequence programs that our kids thrive under by playing some well constructed video games :)

Countdowns work wonders, in helping children transition. We also recommend a: "First...Then" schedule. This helps the child to know what is coming ahead...and alleviates stress, while letting the child know that he will be getting "screen time". For example: We use a dry-erase board....and list three to four tasks. 1. Play with desired toy. 2. Clean up play area. 3. Go to the bathroom and ****Screen Time****. First, play, clean up and potty...then screen time. You can use a few as 1 task at first, to earn screen time...and slowly add another task after a one-task schedule is accepted. Screen time should be given a specific time limit. Example: "Ok: First play with toys...and then screen time for 10 minutes. Then, you can earn MORE screen time by doing....(task 2)." A visual schedule is so helpful. But also remember to do the countdown. You can set a kitchen timer for 9 minutes. When it beeps, give a one minute warning...and set it for another minute. When it beeps again...you can either give your child the option to request more time...or tell him it's time to do something else. (Allowing him to request more time will help him to feel more in control...and cause fewer behaviors...but he can only have one extra minute.)Remember to praise him...or reward him...when he turns off/or gives up the screen time device. You will have no problem filling in the tasks. But remember to keep the list small enough that he is still aware that he is working for screen time...and it is reinforcing enough for him.