I've been working on something similar with my 4.5yr old. He is a visual learner, so social stories have been very helpful. I can usually predict what may be a problem situation (ie playground activities with peers) and remind him of how he can handle a situation appropriately. Q: "If you don't like the way someone is playing, what can you do?" A: "I can tell them 'no thank you', go play somewhere else, or ask mommy or a grown up for help." This helps provide a predictable and organized line of thought for him in an otherwise overwhelming situation. It also lets him handle problem solving on his own as much as possible. My son does have the same 'quick to flare' temper...Legos can do that to people! When he gets frustrated, I try to simplify the task if possible (take away all but 5 blocks or whatever). If he is really mad, I let him vent a little with some direction (he can scream/cry on his bed as needed). Once he's calmed down, then we talk about what happened. Thankfully, his language skills have improved so we can do this. For a while, his temper was causing him to throw sand or hit kids at the playground. He learned after a few times of doing this that we immediately leave the park and the fun is over. In therapy, we've been trying to set him up for success by giving him 'tokens' for good interactions with peers. At the end of the session, he might earn time to play with a preferred toy or special treat. Kids love electronics...perhaps your child can earn extra time with a video game at the end of the school day. Have a small visual reminder like a 'thumbs up' with a 'happy face' = (image of video game). Good luck!

I deal with that in my son too. We have just in the past 6 months taken gluten out of his diet and it has gotten a bit better. He wears a weighted vest and pressure vest while at school and that helps too. Social stories also help.
We keep working with him daily on the aggression, the making decisions, and interacting with people (kids) he doesn't like. We do social stories and address each incident through the tears, punching, hitting, and kicking making sure he knows what is acceptable and not. He's in 1st grade and been suspended twice this year for aggression.
Some of it seems like a habit for him or a comfort zone of dealing with life's little dissapointments. He has a big melt down. We sometimes have luck teasing him out of the meltdown (tickling, distracting, etc...) But other times it does become a bit of a battle. That is the hard work of just calming him down and everyone staying safe in order to get to the social story or explaining how that makes us feel to get him to see another way to react.
So is all this working? Yes, but it is constant work. It's exhausting. I know. Each melt down I'd love to give up and just lock him in his room or something. But, with encouaging therapists and teachers involved it all gets a bit better.
Swimming and keeping him active also helps. We see less melt downs when he gets out to run, jump, or swim during the day. Good luck!

It sounds as though they are too used to failure at that sort of thing. They need success. Start with what they can do well and progress to things they do less well with help.

When frustration levels are high, it takes very little to get them into meltdown stages. If you are very very observant, you may be able to learn what you can do to lower the chaos for them and help them through the frustration.

Thank you for this helpful information! I will look into the Gray Center!Regards,

I wonder if role-playing can help with these social breakdowns? This can help them be in the other person's shoes and help them see a different way they can react.