...also...maybe try visual cues like PECS http://www.pecsusa.com/Brochures/PicsforPECS201...

I was living EXACTLY this about 2 yrs ago. My son has/had a severe speech delay, so we started with speech therapy. That helped relieve some of the screaming when he was able to communicate. After that, ABA (for about 6 months now) has really helped in identifying emotions and modeling proper interaction. My son also had echolalia (which has significantly subsided by now) and his therapists were able to use that to an advantage in teaching him how to express his needs. I would place my hand on his chest and speak for him.."Mommy, I want food." Using the echolalia, he figured out those were 'his' words. When my son gets upset, his language skills can shut down. At that point, using the simplest form of language really helped us. "FOOD?" or "Want Food?" Later with ABA therapy, we learned how to distract him during a tantrum enough to calm him down. At that point, communication is much more effective for everyone. I constantly remind him to 'use his big boy words' and will often ignore him when he whines or mumbles until he self corrects. This has taken quite a bit of practice in therapy, so hang in there!

I remain in peripheral view and gauge my distance by regarding body language,sing softly, "momma is here and when you want her to come closer, your body language, eyes, and volume will tell her. So...scream, scream, scream :)" My oldest has been scream-free for 7 years and youngest for 4 years....lol! Talk about a set of lungs! Lol!
Hope you are able to find out what works best for your angel :)

I will certainly try the PECS! Hopefully ABA will help once she starts school, too. I know she's not trying to be difficult. It's a communication issue. The two of us communicate differently and as hard as I try to understand her communication, I fail miserably. I think the pictures might help, and I'll try the whispering,too. That's not one I had heard before! Thanks a lot everyone.

My kids lose speech when they're upset - my oldest likes to have her back rubbed and to be held, only by me though - if someone else tries she gets more upset. She also uses headphones and music (the headphones are very large that cover her entire ears). My youngest likes to be squeezed very tightly when she's upset.

We started ABA with them as soon as they were diagnosed - at ages 4 and 2. It has worked wonders and its a provincially funded program here in New Brunswick, Canada. Its unfortunate that they won't help you with it until you receive an IEP. However, there are still many things you can do to help. PECS, Behaviour charts (Called an ABC chart) and figuring out your child's sensitiveness will go a long way to ease the things going on around them that they have trouble coping with. Then, if its something that they're having trouble with and they can't avoid or can't avoid forever (like a trip to Walmart)then its something you can "build up a tolerance to" for them. This is a long process and done in many stages, but really helps them learn to cope with regular situations.

Whoa, sorry, I can go on a lot. But good luck :)