Our Childrens Hospital has a group called "SIBSHOP" to help

To DrorSchneider Iguess what meant by tightrope was that Michael my Aspie as you put it ( alot shorter than Asperger's))often complains about how many friends his siter has Becky the neurotypical while Becky will complain about not being able to read as well as Michael etc I don't see it as jealous just yet but does seem to be coming up more this year. They have separate rooms Responsiblitiy for Becky over Michael no but he is way over protective of her. They walk 4 blocks from daycare to school and he makes sure she doesn't wander or even talk to anyone even!
So I guess I don't know my real question sorry for rambling

Look in your area for "the other one" (as in... we have a disabled kid and then we have the other one) counseling and/or peer support groups. It is very helpful for neurotypical siblings to meet and have socialization time with other people who are going through a similar experience to their own.

Also, schedule time every day for a few minutes, and once a week for a couple of hours, where you take time with your neurotypical child just to do something of interest and to have quality time together, just for him/her.

My son is Spectrum, and my daughter isn't. We have found that treating him at his SOCIAL age in his interactions with his sister, works very well, rather than his chronological age. Someone on Spectrum doesn't learn social rules naturally, but they DO learn when given clearly defined rules to follow using information from what they do perceive. This includes turn-taking, using asking words, etc. Just as with any other activity, have clearly defined boundaries, rewards, consequences, and balanced choices when it comes to sibling interactions.

The most heart-rending moment was the time, about a year ago, when our daughter mentioned in an aside to me that she knew that she was older than him now, even though he was born before her, and it was up to her to be the role model about how to behave nicely. I told her that what she was suggesting wasn't her burden to take on, but that if she took her new understanding with her into her interactions with him, she'd be much happier with the outcomes.

I'm curious to know what you are thinking about when you talk about a "tightrope". Is it the extra attention the Aspie needs while the other feels neglected? Is the one with Aperger's jealous of the easier time the other one has with learning/social issues? Is it a difficulty resulting from needing to share space (are they sharing a bedroom? Do they have their own space?) Is it the feeling that more responsibility falls on the shoulders of the neurotypical child?

i tried the sibshop. great. i have atg team. dad and i do one on one with each of the boys, this way we both get a break